Duck Duck Cougar?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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