OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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