Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
