yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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