I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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