i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
