last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just google imaged poop.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
