jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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