I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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