she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
