Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize