i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
