Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
