I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
