No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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