Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
