Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize