Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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