in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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