Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i now understand why vodka
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
last night I used snow as a chaser
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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