I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Randomize
