Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
