Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
