pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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