i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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