yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
