The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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