So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
