Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
