Redeem this text for a blowjob
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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