I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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