One girl and one boy is just not enough.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
