in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i think my mom watched the whole time
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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