I wish I could teleport
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
