ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
