i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Randomize
