she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
