theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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