youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
