Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
