I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
