yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
