1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
