I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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