I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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