there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize