hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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