There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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