Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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