I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
