One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
