I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
