After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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