9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
