barbara walters just said penis...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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