She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
