is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
