I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
