he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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