champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
