he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I currently don't understand fingers.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
