maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize